I was back together with my boyfriend for a while. Things were rocky, but I loved him very much. For almost two months, we didn’t see each other, but I still believed our love was true. I can’t bear to give details, and I apologize if this is boring. This past week, I felt my hope for a future with him was becoming much more happy and proving true– until this afternoon, when I discovered he had a profile on Match.com, and was online the very moment I found it.
Now what I feel more than anything else, is that I probably do not like the person he actually is. I’m trying to keep a positive attitude about this emotion. It feels very complicated. He is extremely charming. I think he is the first man I’ve ever known to whom I might willingly entirely submit. I don’t think I could do “tough love” with him if his vices ever called for it–for he is simply too adorable.
So, I’m thinking I should be grateful to God if this relationship can end this way.
Oh, by the way, I didn’t discover his single’s account while hunting for singles myself. I just happened over to his facebook profile for the first time in a while and saw that he had “liked” Matchdotcom. So I bit. I did a bogus profile for the privilege of doing a free search. (I thought y’all might be curious about that.)
Now that I’ve told you all more or less what’s been going on in my meager soul all these weeks, I want to share something with you, two things actually. These are two poems I wrote for him, one yesterday and one the day before. I do believe that you people will be able to appreciate my efforts much more than he ever would. As always, please any strangers out there, please don’t steal my work. I am actually proud of it. In a way, it’s all I have to show for my own life.
The first poem had not been titled yet, but I like titles. So here’s the poem and the first publication of its title below:
Come, My Darling. Let me Gently Explain,
(by Vicki Jones)
Love floats like heart-shaped swans
Wandering across dappled years
Enclosed by limitless pleasured reflections
Eyes to eyes, with eyes closed
It is why the pond glows at sunset
Others can learn from its silhouette
The true form of love has two sides
Two, my darling, only two.
He really liked that one. He looked at my eyes when he asked me if I “really” wrote it. Anyway, and here’s the other one… originally titled “To My Soulmate”, but, now simply “Soul Mate” as follows:
(By: Vicki Jones)
called me Your Playmate.
I pooched out my cheeks
and puffed like a hussy wolf–
or a too proud Playboy Bunny.
after a miserable
long-time of time-out,
I died and came back
crawling the world as a bug,
with a tantalizing, bitter shell.
chas-ing and hid-ing
cheating, incorrigible truth…
that coarse barrier
which surrounds what is me
in my egg of immortality.
as it feeds
on Material Me.
and call you my playmate.
____________________________________________________That’s all of the poem I just want to mention that I made a couple of minor changes as I was transcribing it just now. …. Ah paranoia, will you never desert me.
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