Monthly Archives: April 2013

Inspirations to photograph ever more ^_^

Inspirations to photograph ever more ^_^.

I don’t want to introduce this too much. I’m afraid something I might say would bias someone’s spontaneous reaction to it. I will say it’s all natural. No special effects. Hope you like it.

without doubts / senza dubbi / fără dubii

without doubts / senza dubbi / fără dubii.

This is profound.

Victorian cast iron fence in Sefton Park, Liverpool, UK

The ghost and the dinosaur: Ephemerality and reminiscence are taking the Web

Answer for Shakti

Writing a reply to a comment on my post “pressure” with the Billy Joel link, I decided to make it a post. He asked me, “What is it that makes you equate desensitization and “dulling if senses” with mellowing of age?” I’m starting the answer now, and will post as much as I can. But I’ll have to finish later. 

Hi Shakti. Thank you for stopping by to make me think. 🙂 My head feeling particularly dull this morning, as though I’m still asleep, I will use your question to help me wake up.

In case I forget –and start rambling about mellowing –I just want to tell you that I understand what you’re saying about rehearsing desensitization. I agree that it is during those times that we tend to let things happen which we regret.

Unfortunately, sometimes people literally get trapped and are basically helpless. At such time, “desensitization” is the only coping tool at hand. The pressure of such an event can be felt long after the event has been resolved –at least, for practical purposes. I think the word “baggage” is not kind to use for such things, because baggage is chosen to be carried forward. In cases such as this, no manner of forgiveness or positive attitude can completely dislodge all the psychological effects of the trauma. You probably didn’t think I was really talking about such urgently appropriate desensitization. More about this later.

I want to talk about “mellowing of age”. That is an expression I associate with people who have always been mean and difficult, but start to sweeten in their demeanor in their senior years. People with personal attributes of paranoia, rudeness, or vindictiveness can finally become tolerant, considerate and humble. It’s bound to be largely an effect of hormonal changes. More on this later, too. (Many old folks become downright gullible, but that’s not at all on the subject.)

Now, “Dulling of senses” is just unfortunate no matter how you look at it. None of us want that. It suggests that we are knives that should have been sharpened, put to good use. 

Shakti, in your comment you wrote, “as we rehearse desensitization in our minds, we gain more things to be regretful for in our lives.” I agree with this; however, I do not agree that the regretful things are caused by the rehearsal of desensitization–at least not in all cases. 

I suppose the challenge lies in discernment. Can one always discern when desensitization is absolutely necessary? I know first hand that one may not be able to do so. I will admit that in my personal experience, emotional reactions from childhood recur when I have to deal with my mom,  which leave me feeling inept as an autonomous human being. I find myself desensitizing myself to what I want to do.

Well that’s all I have time for. Hope it’s interesting. I’ll come back to it, and when I do, I’ll put Edit #1″ etc., by the title. Thanks for reading.

 

“Pressure” With Commentary

Billy Joel’s “Pressure” is my offering today. Funny, as I get older I don’t feel the pressure like I used to do. It’s probably because I’ve been pinned so long–desensitized. Weakened heart. Dulled senses. Or, on a positive note, maybe it’s mellowing with age. Oddly enough, I miss pressure. Yanno that’s what holds our insides in.. 😉 yup Maybe that’s why I keep spillin’ myself all over this blog.

Oh, by the way, the ad on this video actually caught my attention as well. Anybody know about this? Also, btw, really good video. Wish the pic had posted. hope link works.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iyv905Q2omU

 

 

 

 

April 12, Diary Entry. Subject: Fear

Someone dear to me has suggested to me that I consider times when my emotions are out of control. I suggested back to him that he to go to hell–but that’s beside the point.

(I’m not really feeling funny —  but, I hope you appreciate that I do the work to try to keep my sense of humor.)

Anxiety has always been a tremendous burden in my life. Phobias, Obsessive/Compulsive Disorders, as well as major avoidance issues about things other people deal with as a matter of day-to-day living have nagged at me always. I have had to accept them as part of who I am in order to manage them in the same way you think of someone with split personalities getting better by gently becoming aware of them and trying to meld them into something better suited to functioning in society, and thereby surviving as a whole human being.

It may seem odd, but I do not consider myself to be a fraidy-cat in spire of my phobias and such, or in spite of some of the choices I’ve made in life that were based upon my upbringing, which had engendered the fears in the first place. People who have met me express wonder that I haven’t done more with my life. I come across as someone who has had the wherewithal and aptitude to be more successful.

If I told them about my life, they still wouldn’t get it, but that is ok. It has taught me not to judge people whom I don’t “get”.

 

My biggest fear was that by not facing my fears, I would become someone else. This was when I was about twenty. Looking back, it might have merely been my innocent attempt to rationalize my fear while justifying their debilitating effects in my life. But, that became my credo, facing fear.

As it turns out, as the story of my life unfolded, I discovered that in order to resolve the original fears, I had to untangle finer threads of fear that reached into so many thoughts of any given day. As the years wore on, scary things presented themselves which I had to carefully delineate as being separate though similar to fearsome issues of my past.

Sad to say, I have yet to triumph over fear. I’ve lost major battles. But, being who I am has become enough for this lifetime.

As for my Dear One and his point about my lack of emotional control–well, I’ll have to think on that some other time.  To anyone who read this far. Thank you for your interest.

 

 

Pls Look for a new page under “Please like me or don’t hurt me”

Hey: I’m newly single. Get away guys. I ain’t interested. Just objectively reporting is all. I’ve added a new page to mark this milestone in my life. Hope you’ll take a look. I’ve gotta get away from this computer now before it gets me down.

Link

Lincoln Duncan, Paul Simon, Studio Version

This is the most upbeat thing I can share with you all today. It’s spring time now for those whose hearts aren’t broken. Dead of winter still, even in Alabama for us, whose are.

A Nothing Post, at least it’s not long.

May this post be helpful to me, may I be true to myself and my little blog. This post, if it happens, will be like a journal entry–and if I’m able to see it through, will be a positive step after feeling absolutely trapped inside negative emotions for almost a week now.

I might as well just go ahead and tell all. I haven’t a drop in reserve for creative outlet.

Attempting commentary, moreover, would only bury me deeper in the rotten memory of a bad time.

No. I can’t do this.  I don’t want to turn this blog into a support network for my aching heart. I need for it to remain a network for my aspiring self.

Twenty minutes later now, it’s only gotten worse. I went to youtube for relief. I should have known better than to try to find a decent live Go Gos video. I was looking for “Can’t Stop the World”. My heart wasn’t in it, but I thought if I found it in a version I liked, it might help me. . . blah blah blah…

I’ve spent too long at the computer already.

Daytime is beautiful. That is not my truth.

All my truths are shameful.

I hate to post this, but sorry as it is, it’s the best I could do today. I’m filled with hate and regret. Just wanted to give my followers some kind of update.