I’m slightly embarrassed. You probably didn’t see, but I accidentally made two posts here that were supposed to be private. I have no idea how it happened, but oh well. I’ve deleted them
I feel good about the Solstice, it’s significance to me personally, that is. At the same time, I wonder about people who are places where the weather is really bad, yet hope (as always) that I am spared bad weather, especially just now. I have a dear one who lives in Tennessee. She is very much in my constant prayer today because I’ve read that storms are blowing through there.
For me, at least, today is as it should be on solstice, a time to recognize and pay tribute to the changes this makes in people’s lives, whether we’re aware of it or not. I remember being made aware of solstice at the appropriate times off and on when I was growing in the home of my parents. The time of year was brightened somewhat by anticipating Christmas.
Christmas traditions, by now, are familiar to people all over the world. My Church stressed the spiritual values of Christmas, which really came in handy for child of one of the poorer families in the community. While not anticipating much to show for having had a Christmas tree, I learned not to covet what other children might have, and to focus on what Jesus taught about loving one another.
Back to Solstice–I remember having the blues in the days leading up to Solstice, but I was distracted by the Christmas season. Looking back through the memory of my mental state, I know the imposing darkness.soothed my inner gloom at a time when gloominess was strictly forbidden.
Christmas always was a beautiful day. Always, without fail. No matter what the weather conditions were. I do believe the Holy Spirit visited our little road on that day.
I say this because my childhood home was not itself the source of my good cheer. I always carried the tinge of disappointment throughout the day, as all my dilemmas of Christmas Magic versus existential angst proved unanswerable yet again.
My parents couldn’t get along. Mom (God bless her) always tried to dispose of the evidence as quickly as possible. I think she feared I would keep hunting through the torn gift wrap having lost my mind in the disillusionment. My father would battle her impulse to clean up; he was wise to know that Christmas must not disappear without a trace early Christmas morning no matter how modest the gifts had been. (This paragraph is a delicately painted, nostalgic understatement of the high-stress tensions in my lower middle class household which were potentially rife on any day, barely maintained even on Christmas.)
The greatest joy of my Christmas was to get to see what the other children on the street had received. I especially enjoyed the quiet kindness of their parents as I was welcomed into their homes. I realize now that they had my childhood friends on very strict control during these visits.
My mom wouldn’t let the neighborhood children in our house, so I would them what I had received, try to look satisfied and change the subject. Only once or twice did a neighbor child question the truthfulness of my accounting. I think that was the reason I explained to Tina about Santa Claus. Her mom was really disappointed. I’m sure more so even than Tina was. Claudia (the mom) scolded me. I couldn’t think of anything to say. Tina was two years younger than I, which surely means I was still very young.
But, I digress. Today is not Christmas. I brought up Christmas in order to relate it back to the reason that I am loving the Solstice so much today which is that it justifies my mood, both the grim tone of my past few days and my optimism today. The darkness has been closing in, but I can rest assured it won’t get any worse. By Christmas day, my world will be brighter.
Happy Holidays Everyone!!! My blog is almost a year old. You who read it are real to me, and I feel bad for neglecting your blogs as well as my own.