This blog is about seeking my conscience. I have not forgotten that. Since day three of 2013, I’ve felt that theme while writing here, and more importantly been constantly aware of it as a major theme in my life, my personality, my joy and despair.
I became a born-again Christian at the age of eight. At that time, I made a conscious decision to believe that Jesus was ready to fill me with joy and love, even though I was every bit as wicked as other miserable sinners. In my heart, it was particularly significant for me to identify at that point in time with the sins of my parents against me, and against each other.
A few years later, having already established a rapport with God and/or Jesus, I read an article in Life Magazine about the world’s religions. I was particularly excited about the notion of reincarnation; however, uncertainty and trauma peppered my childhood to such extent that I prayed to God then and there, that if reincarnation was real, please let this be the last one for me. In a way, that became my life goal from there on, to “git-er-dun” –get done with human suffering, whatever life beyond human existence might be. At the same time, understand–I wanted to be aligned with God, not the other way.
I tell you this so you will know that my personal moral background has been tied in to the belief that there does exist an intelligent power greater than humanity, or perhaps an order beyond human perception, that nonetheless connects us to the great beyond of energy–of cause and effect.
If you look into some of the blogs I follow, you will see represented a wide range of spiritualities and philosophies. I wish all of those bloggers would know that I appreciate knowing about their seeking as I continue with my own.
The month of June has been eventful. I found a good man to cut my grass, and one to sit for my dog. I traveled. I danced. I saw Lester. I reunited with a dear friend who had unfriended me. I re-acquainted with someone who probably didn’t know how dear she was to me 30 years ago. I salvaged little black dog from poisoning (That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger–though more debt ridden– seems to be the lesson there.) I got another deferment on student loans…and am presently recuperating from the first common cold I’ve had in years.
What I’ve written so far has left me exhausted for the time being, but I hope to get back on here soon and clean up my categories. If I succeed, I will proudly announce completion of the work.