I have to write my bills today, as in I didn’t get them done before now–and …yeah, so. It’s an anxiety thing for me, but I think I’m ready. Time to shut down the computer, pull everything out of hiding places, open, envelopes, read correspondences, feed the volcano of student-loan-debt god, and postpone what I can, go to post office and Water Board and thereby relieve myself of the haunting for a couple of weeks, as “timely-manner” immediately turns around to creep up on me again. I should write a short story called, “The Haunting of Timely Manor.” 😉 Lordy, lord. Please pray. It’s on my bucket list to learn how not to “buckle under”, feeling defeated, as though I don’t deserve good credit and trustworthiness, every time the bills are due. It happens because as along as I can remember, I have never known how I could possibly get through each month, and yet I do–I have. I am so fortunate. That’s why it’s time for me to “buck up” and get her done. So I can get on with my own doins.
Seriously, pray. This drives everyone who knows me nuts–but most of all me. Have you ever had to have an irrational coping mechanism that it seemed impossible to let go. I think this phobia of writing bills is closely tied to a superstition that if I ever start behaving normally, my luck of “getting by” will run out.