I don’t have the strength to hate, or the will to banish negative thoughts. I’m a completely useless individual… in all honesty. The best thing I can do at this point is to acknowledge that I am still capable of wanting things. I’m going to think of such things just now, and see how long a list I can muster.
1. A happy light. One of those lights that you sit with to help treat SADD.
2. A 2012 or 2013 Kia Rio hatchback
3. New eyeglasses
4. someone to help me reorganize my house, with a few renovations and repairs, too.
5. I wish I could see my best friend who is in the hospital, but that is another sad story.
6. I wish my younger son admired me.
7. I wish I knew whose sneakers my dog brought in, but I’m to depressed to knock on doors.
8. I wish I could go back two months and change a few things that would make the life of someone I love so much better, and my own life, as well.
9. I wish I could be made to understand that you cannot make someone love you…and that hearing what you want to hear is like selling your soul to the devil. Why must we become naive as we grow older? I had barely outgrown it– now here I am again.
10. I want to eat really well and breathe fresh air for ten days in a row.