not wanting to love a narcissist

I’m 50 now–not a problem were I not sick from the poison I waded into in recent years, believing myself mature enough to stay away from suspicious experiences. Right now, I am so trapped, paralyzed, lock-jawed. I want to find Phil Collins “Ma ma” if I can and post it here. This will not be in reference to my ma, by the way, but, something I can do rather than try to put into words how close to nonexistence I feel.

I went to youtube but couldn’t bring the song here. Is ok. You all know the song, right? Do remember still, my momma is not the impetus for such vicious and despairing emotions–rather it’s my boyfriend.

How many people out there have wished to reform a narcissist? How many narcissists out there have longed to break through to the other side? How many women and perhaps men are addicted to crumbs?

This is day five of my Resolution. The object of my soul’s possession is vacationing under the auspices of innocence and lies.

Have you ever known someone who would turn every problem you have into a silver lining, while himself being consumed with self-pity and even hypochondria. He was the first for me and I thought–If those were his faults,  he would surely mature given time.


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