a new calendar

The start of January would be meaningless to me as it has been for years, except that I have horrible emotional patterns to change, and for some reason New Years Eve impacted my psyche as the point of do or die. I went to bed Monday night before 8:00 to focus all my strength on shutting out the pain of helplessness caused by situations I had finally realized left me no choices, but run away.

The year, thus far, is an exercise in controlled breathing and what amounts to meditation. Even though I feel the vibrations of adrenalin, I don’t want to move. Every effort has to remain mental just now. This reminds me of when I finally managed to quit smoking the last time. I stayed in bed for days, maybe weeks, playing sudoku and napping.

I should pick back up with sudoku. Whatever I manage to do in this cause, I will try to record here in my blog. Anyone who reads this, please think a kind thought of me.

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